I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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