Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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