Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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