Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
