Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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