The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
