i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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