I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
