next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
