I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
