Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
