i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
