update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm bleeding and have questions
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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