I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize