I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
