ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
