Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
