I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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