guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
