We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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