You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
