anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
