is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Operation Purity has been aborted
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
