ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
