Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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