I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
