It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I FOUND THE LEGS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
