So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
