If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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