The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Alive.
So much puke
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
