are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
