yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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