I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
