I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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