the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
