She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
