Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
