So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
