I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
