So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
