the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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