her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
