my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
