Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
