Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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