And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
