why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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