Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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