I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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