I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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