I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
