Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
