Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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