I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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