i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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