woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
