So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
