someone owes me an orgasm
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
