That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
