TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
