nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize