Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
