I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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