My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
