Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize