She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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