In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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