I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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