it wasn't lemon gatorade
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
